W. C. Fields Quotes

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.

Women Quotes

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

Women Quotes, Doubt Quotes

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

Women Quotes, Men Quotes


Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Smile Quotes

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

Prosperity Quotes

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Prejudice Quotes

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

Rich Quotes, Money Quotes

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

Money Quotes

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

Food Quotes, Mind Quotes

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

Anger Quotes, Luck Quotes

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.

Love Quotes

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

Worry Quotes, Heart Quotes

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

Habit Quotes

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Food Quotes

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Food Quotes

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.

Great Quotes, Evil Quotes

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

Death Quotes

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.

Courtesy Quotes

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

Clever Quotes

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

Children Quotes

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

Children Quotes

I like children - fried.

Children Quotes

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

Worry Quotes

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

Trust Quotes

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

Time Quotes

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

Time Quotes

4 Top W. C. Fields quotes about Life

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

Life Quotes

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

Life Quotes

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

Life Quotes, Experience Quotes

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

Death Quotes, Life Quotes, Hope Quotes, Grace Quotes