Ogden Nash Quotes

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

Children Quotes, Women Quotes, Men Quotes

Women would rather be right than reasonable.

Women Quotes

The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.

Trouble Quotes


The more you earn, the less you keep, And now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to take, If the tax-collector hasn't got it before I wake.

Taxes Quotes, Get Well Soon Quotes

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

Mind Quotes, Regret Quotes

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.

Children Quotes, Parents Quotes

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.

Children Quotes, Parents Quotes

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.

Children Quotes, Parents Quotes, Giving Quotes

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying them without money?

Life Quotes, Money Quotes

If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

Work Quotes, Money Quotes

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.

Age Quotes, Mind Quotes

Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?

Mind Quotes

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.

Mind Quotes

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.

Men Quotes

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

Birthday Quotes, Marriage Quotes

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Marriage Quotes, Love Quotes

I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.

Love Quotes

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.

Life Quotes

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.

Life Quotes

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

Age Quotes, Hope Quotes

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.

Hope Quotes

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Happiness Quotes

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.

Conscience Quotes, Happiness Quotes

The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.

Control Quotes, Happiness Quotes

I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.

Conscience Quotes

Commitments the voters don't know about can't hurt you.

Commitment Quotes

Too clever is dumb.

Clever Quotes

I claim there ain't Another Saint As great as Valentine.

Great Quotes, Aim Quotes

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

Work Quotes

No, you never get any fun out of the things you haven't done.

Fun Quotes

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.

Fun Quotes