"Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges."
- Bob Dylan
"Education: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding."
- Ambrose Bierce
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
- Dr. Seuss
"Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years."
- Gracie Allen
"In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some."
- Emo Philips
"Popularity ends on yearbook day, but respect lasts forever."
- Gordon B. Hinkley
"I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen."
- Steven Wright
"I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education."
- Tallulah Bankhead
"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is "never try"."
- Homer Simpson
"As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it."
- Sam Ewing
"I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like "What I'm going to be if I grow up.""
- Lenny Bruce