Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants.
- by Kevin James
An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.
- by Irv Kupcinet
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
- by Erma Bombeck
The pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts... nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.
- by H. W. Westermayer
Coexistence... what the farmer does with the turkey - until Thanksgiving.
- by Mike Connolly
It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with gourmet status.
- by Russell Baker
My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
- by Rita Rudner
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
- by Jon Stewart
I love Thanksgiving turkey... it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.
- by Arnold Schwarzenegger
On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence.
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes by William Jennings Bryan
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"On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me." - Rodney Dangerfield "Halloween is the one night a year when girls... Read more
Mothers are all slightly insane. - J.D. Salinger My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. - Mark Twain I... Read more
Punk was defined by an attitude rather than a musical style. - David Byrne A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will... Read more
"There is no such thing as a good tax." - Winston Churchill "The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than... Read more
"A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water." - Eleanor Roosevelt "I never drink... Read more
"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first." - George Rogers "I do not like this word "bomb." It is... Read more
"Drugs are not always necessary, but belief in recovery always is." - Angel Cordero, Jr. "I don't need drugs to make my life... Read more
"My idea of heaven is a great big baked potato and someone to share it with." - Oprah Winfrey "The two biggest sellers in any... Read more
"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer." - Homer... Read more
"Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.' - Mark... Read more
A father carries pictures where his money used to be. - Anonymous A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like his father. -... Read more
Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. - Bill Vaughan May all your troubles last as... Read more
My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me. - Winston Churchill Some are born great, some achieve... Read more
"Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges." - Bob Dylan "Education: That which... Read more
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight." - Rita Rudner "I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who... Read more
"Oscar Wilde: "Do you mind if I smoke?" Sarah Bernhardt: "I don't care if you burn."" - Sarah Bernhardt "I'd... Read more
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." - Humphrey Bogart A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll... Read more
"Only one thing is certian about coffee.... Wherever it is grown, sold, brewed, and consumed, there will be lively controversy, strong... Read more
"Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy." - Frank Sinatra "Alcoholism is the only disease that you... Read more
"An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex." - Edgar Wallace "There are lies, damned lies and... Read more
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend. - Doug Larson The end of labor is to... Read more
The use of solar energy has not been opened up because the oil industry does not own the sun. - Ralph Nader Our environmental problems originate... Read more
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two... - Sir Norman Wisdom All diseases run... Read more
"Wine is a turncoat; first a friend and then an enemy." - Henry Fielding "Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see... Read more
"Good taste is the excuse I've always given for leading such a bad life." - Oscar Wilde "Bad taste is simply saying the truth before... Read more
"To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president... Read more
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook." - Julia Child "Food is an important part of a... Read more
"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produced some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other... Read more
"I mark a script like an exam, and I try not to do anything under 50 per cent. Similarly with the part. And also film is a peculiar thing, parts... Read more
"Teachers are the only professionals who have to respond to bells every forty-five minutes and come out fighting." - Frank... Read more