Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants.
- by Kevin James
An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.
- by Irv Kupcinet
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
- by Erma Bombeck
The pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts... nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.
- by H. W. Westermayer
Coexistence... what the farmer does with the turkey - until Thanksgiving.
- by Mike Connolly
It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with gourmet status.
- by Russell Baker
My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
- by Rita Rudner
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
- by Jon Stewart
I love Thanksgiving turkey... it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.
- by Arnold Schwarzenegger
On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence.
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes by William Jennings Bryan
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