Funny Tax Quotes

"There is no such thing as a good tax."
- Winston Churchill

"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers

"Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood, but seldom forgotten."
- Lord Bramwell

"The question is: What can we, as citizens, do to reform our tax system? As you know, under our three-branch system of government, the tax laws are created by: Satan. But he works through the Congress, so that's where we must focus our efforts."
- Dave Barry

"I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons."
- Douglas Adams

"They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
- Al Capone

"I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside."
- Ken Dodd

"In general, the art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other."
- Voltaire

"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers

"Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents? "
- Peg Bracken

"We must care for each other more, and tax each other less."
- Bill Archer

"Man is not like other animals in the ways that are really significant: animals have instincts, we have taxes."
- Erving Goffman

"Two years ago it was impossible to get through on the phone to the IRS. Now it's just hard to get through. That's progress."
- Charles Rossotti

"I owe the government $3,400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat."
- Michael McShane

"If you get up early, work late, and pay your taxes, you will get ahead -- if you strike oil."
- J. Paul Getty

"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman

"The government deficit is the difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect."
- Sam Ewing

"Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before."
- Art Buchwald

"The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward."
- John Maynard Keynes

"On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away."
- Tom Lehrer

"[A tax loophole is] something that benefits the other guy. If it benefits you, it is tax reform."
- Russell B. Long

"The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them."
- Bill Vaughan

"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain

"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers

"I cannot undertake to lay my finger on that article of the Constitution which granted a right to Congress of expending, on objects of benevolence, the money of their constituents..."
- James Madison

"The term "tax humor"is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
- John F. Iekel

"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein

"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey

"A fool and his money are soon parted. It takes creative tax laws for the rest."
- Bob Thaves

"If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract - teach him to deduct."
- Fran Lebowitz

"The point to remember is that what the government gives it must first take away."
- John S. Coleman

"Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income-tax form than it does to make the income."
- Alfred E. Neuman

"I am thankful for the taxes I pay because it means that I'm employed."
- Nancie J. Carmody

"Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it."
- Ronald Reagan

"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk

"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter

"I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank? "
- Milton Berle

"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose you more money than any single person in your life, with the possible exception of your kids."
- Harvey Mackay

"I love America, but I can't spend the whole year here. I can't afford the taxes."
- Mick Jagger

"The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale."
- Arthur C. Clarke

"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken

"The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but don't have to pay taxes naturally, no one wants to live any other way."
- Judith Martin

"Earlier today, the White House released President Bush's tax return. Not surprisingly, under dependents, the president listed Iraq."
- Conan O'Brien


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