"If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because you lap is warm."
- Alfred North Whitehead
"Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window."
- Steve Bluestone
"Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails."
- Max Eastman
"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."
- Ann Landers
"Kissing originates from animals sniffing each other."
- Ingelore Ebberfeld
"Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job."
- Franklin P. Jones
"The dog is a yes-animal, very popular with people who can't afford to keep a yes-man."
- Robertson Davies
"A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution."
- Hazel Nicholson
"Animals are such agreeable friends. They ask no questions, they pass no criticisms."
- George Elliot
"Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend."
- Corey Ford
"If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them."
- Phil Pastoret
"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
- Funny Pet Quotes
"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later."
- Mary Bly
"Many years ago when an adored dog died, a great friend, a bishop, said to me, "You must always remember that, as far as the Bible is concerned, God only threw the humans out of Paradise.""
- Bruce Foyle
"A cat will look down to a man. A dog will look up to a man. But a pig will look you straight in the eye and see his equal."
- Winston Churchill
"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!"
- Dave Barry
"Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything."
- Paris Hilton