Funny Parenting Quotes

"Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry."
- Bill Cosby

"A father's words are like a thermostat that sets the temperature in the house."
- Paul Lewis

"The voice of parents is the voice of gods, for to their children they are heaven’s lieutenants."
- Shakespeare

"I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it."
- Harry S Truman

"Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them."
- P. J. O'Rourke

"People who spend half their time wondering how their children will turn out, and the rest of the time when they will turn in."
- Eleanor Graham Vance

"It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't."
- Barbara Kingsolver

"Parenthood is a lot easier to get into than out of."
- Bruce Lansky

"Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist."
- Michael Levine

"I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible...and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.."
- Funny Parenting Quotes

"My parents used to take me to Lewis' department store in Glasgow. They were skinflints, they used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was the zoo."
- Billy Connolly

"Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner."
- Douglas Adams

"The trouble with being a parent is that by the time you are experienced, you are unemployed.."
- Funny Parenting Quotes

"Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going."
- Phyllis Diller

"Oh, to be only half as wonderful as my child thought I was when he was small, and only half as stupid as my teenager now thinks I am."
- Rebecca Richards

"Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee."
- David Frost

"The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy."
- Sam Levenson

"Oh, why will parents always appear at the wrong time? Some extraordinary mistake in nature, I suppose."
- Oscar Wilde

"To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness."
- Oscar Wilde

"I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?"
- Homer Simpson

"You know your children are growing up when they stop asking where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going."
- P.O'Brien

"In automobile terms, the child supplies the power but the parents have to do the steering."
- Benjamin Spock

"A parent who has never apologized to his children is a monster. If he’s always apologizing, his children are monsters."
- Mignon McLaughlin

"Never have children, only grandchildren."
- Gore Vidal

"I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib."
- Woody Allen

"You can't scare me. I have children!"
- Garfield

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