Funny New Year Quotes

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.
- Bill Vaughan

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions!
- Joey Adams

New Year's Day… now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
- Mark Twain

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.
- James Agate

New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.
- Mark Twain

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
- Bill Vaughan

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.
- Eric Zorn

Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.
- Oprah Winfrey

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year's resolution.
- Jay Leno

Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let's just wish each other a bile-less New Year and leave it at that.
- Judith Crist

Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.
- Brooks Atkinson

I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.
- Anais Nin

New Year's Day is every man's birthday.
- Charles Lamb

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.
- Oscar Wilde

From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining.
- Leonard Bernstein

New Year Related Topics

Funny Quotes Article Archive