"You don't want to have to be the man and the woman in the relationship. I always say you want a man who can fix the toilet."
- Pamela Anderson
"No, I don't understand my husband's theory of relativity, but I know my husband and I know he can be trusted."
- Elsa Einstein
"Yes it's her husband. She hasn't got over it. Died thirty years ago."
- John Cleese
"He's the funniest, smartest person I know. It doesn't mean he doesn't bug me and I'm sure I bug him sometimes."
- Sarah Jessica Parker
"Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots."
- Hoosier Farmer
"A man who is right by your side through everything makes you happy. But he can leave your side to make dinner once in a while!"
- Faith Hill
"Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side."
- Zig Ziglar
"I have always been of opinion that a man who desires to get married should know either everything or nothing."
- Oscar Wilde
"My husband and I have figured out a really good system about the housework: neither one of us does it."
- Dottie Archibald
"What is a husband? He is the one who, with a touch, can bring back the starlight and glow of years long ago. At least he hopes he can - don't disappoint him."
- Alan Beck
"Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows."
"Somewhere deep down there's a decent man in me, he just can't be found."
"My husband says I feed him like he's a god: every meal is a burnt offering."
- Rhonda Hansome
"The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married."
- Finley Peter Dunne
"A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted."
- Helen Rowland
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
- Oscar Wilde
"To catch a husband is an art; to hold him is a job."
- Simone De Beauvoir
"My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't."
- Funny Husband Quotes
"I am happy to know that my husband regards me as a woman and a person."
- Katherine Dunham