- Funny Fathers Day Quotes
A father carries pictures where his money used to be.
A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like his father.
-... Read more
- Funny New Year Quotes
Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.
- Bill Vaughan
May all your troubles last as... Read more
- Funny Achievement Quotes
My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.
- Winston Churchill
Some are born great, some achieve... Read more
- Funny Yearbook Quotes
"Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges."
- Bob Dylan
"Education: That which... Read more
- Funny Vegetarian Quotes
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
- Rita Rudner
"I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who... Read more
- Funny Smoking Quotes
"Oscar Wilde: "Do you mind if I smoke?"
Sarah Bernhardt: "I don't care if you burn.""
- Sarah Bernhardt
"I'd... Read more
- Funny Drinking Quotes
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
- Humphrey Bogart
A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll... Read more
- Funny Coffee Quotes
"Only one thing is certian about coffee.... Wherever it is grown, sold, brewed, and consumed, there will be lively controversy, strong... Read more
- Funny Alcohol Quotes
"Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy."
- Frank Sinatra
"Alcoholism is the only disease that you... Read more
- Funny Academic Quotes
"An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex."
- Edgar Wallace
"There are lies, damned lies and... Read more
- Funny Labor Day Quotes
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.
- Doug Larson
The end of labor is to... Read more
- Funny Earth Day Quotes
The use of solar energy has not been opened up because the oil industry does not own the sun.
- Ralph Nader
Our environmental problems originate... Read more
- Funny Age Quotes
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
- Sir Norman Wisdom
All diseases run... Read more
- Funny Wine Quotes
"Wine is a turncoat; first a friend and then an enemy."
- Henry Fielding
"Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see... Read more
- Funny Taste Quotes
"Good taste is the excuse I've always given for leading such a bad life."
- Oscar Wilde
"Bad taste is simply saying the truth before... Read more
- Funny Graduation Quotes
"To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president... Read more
- Funny Diet Quotes
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
- Julia Child
"Food is an important part of a... Read more
- Funny Chocolate Quotes
"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produced some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other... Read more
- Funny Exam Quotes
"I mark a script like an exam, and I try not to do anything under 50 per cent. Similarly with the part. And also film is a peculiar thing, parts... Read more
- Funny Teacher Quotes
"Teachers are the only professionals who have to respond to bells every forty-five minutes and come out fighting."
- Frank... Read more
- Funny Mothers Day Quotes
Mothers are all slightly insane.
- J.D. Salinger
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
- Mark Twain
I... Read more
- Funny Attitude Quotes
Punk was defined by an attitude rather than a musical style.
- David Byrne
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will... Read more
- Funny Tax Quotes
"There is no such thing as a good tax."
- Winston Churchill
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than... Read more
- Funny Water Quotes
"A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water."
- Eleanor Roosevelt
"I never drink... Read more
- Funny Stupid Quotes
"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
- George Rogers
"I do not like this word "bomb." It is... Read more
- Funny Drug Quotes
"Drugs are not always necessary, but belief in recovery always is."
- Angel Cordero, Jr.
"I don't need drugs to make my life... Read more
- Funny Cooking Quotes
"My idea of heaven is a great big baked potato and someone to share it with."
- Oprah Winfrey
"The two biggest sellers in any... Read more
- Funny Beer Quotes
"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer."
- Homer... Read more
- Funny College Quotes
"Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.'
- Mark... Read more
- Funny School Quotes
"In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window."
- Rodney... Read more