"Friendship. A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul."
- Ambrose Bierce
"I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first."
- Peter Ustinov
"Friendship is Love without his wings!"
- Lord Byron
"Choose your friends carefully. Your enemies will choose you."
- Yassir Arafat
"Treat your friends as you do your pictures and place them in their best light."
- Jennie Jerome Churchill
"Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces."
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh
"Give me one friend, just one, who meets the needs of all my varying moods."
- Esther M. Clark
"A friend to all is a friend to none."
- Aristotle
"I got a lot of best friends. Some of them I don't even hardly know!"
- Archie Bunker
"Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty."
- Silican proverb
"Business, you know, may bring money, but friendship hardly ever does."
- Jane Austen
"Friends are God's ways of apologizing for our families."
- Anonymous
"The best mirror is an old friend."
- George Herbert
"I have lost friends, some by death, others through sheer inability to cross the street."
- Virginia Woolf
"Two people are never such good friends as when they are share a mutual dislike of a third person."
- Unknown
"Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate."
- Thomas Jones
"The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist."
- Aaron Machado
"Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes."
- Friedrich Nietzsche
"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked."
- Bernard Meltzer
"We must hang together, or surely we shall hang separately."
- Benjamin Franklin
"Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends."
- Lord Chesterfield
"You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog."
- Harry S. Truman
"A true friend stabs you in the front."
- Oscar Wilde
"Friendship is like money, easier made than kept."
- Samuel Butler
"One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim."
- George Carlin
"Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them."
- Edwin Arlington Robinson
"It is good to have friends both in Heaven and Hell."
- George Herbert
"Laughing at our friends, we avenge the disappointment they have caused."
- Mason Cooley
"Never join with your friend when he abuses his horse or his wife, unless the one is about to be sold, the other to be buried."
- Charles Caleb Colton
"The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people."
- Gilbert K. Chesterton
"A man's kiss is his signature." - Mae West "I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth." - Chico Marx "A kiss... Read more
"Love is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important." - Lisa Hoffman "If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a... Read more
"The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation." -... Read more
"Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry." - Bill Cosby "A father's words are like... Read more
"You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was." - Abraham Lincoln "Wrinkles should merely indicate... Read more
"I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it." - Joan Rivers "I do benefits for all religions - I'd... Read more
"To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk." - Thomas Edison "I can believe anything provided it is... Read more
"Success comes in cans, failure in can'ts." - Anonymous "Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we... Read more
"If I were playing third base and my mother were rounding third with the run that was going to beat us, I'd trip her. Oh, I'd pick her up and ... Read more
"All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble." - Raymond Hull "By all means marry; if... Read more
"Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter." - Cecilia Egan "Love is an electric blanket with somebody... Read more
"If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because you lap is warm." - Alfred... Read more
"You don't want to have to be the man and the woman in the relationship. I always say you want a man who can fix the toilet." - Pamela... Read more
"To enter life by way of the vagina is as good a way as any." - Henry Miller "Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the... Read more
"You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was." - Abraham Lincoln "Wrinkles should merely indicate... Read more
"I don't pity any man who does hard work worth doing. I admire him. I pity the creature who does not work, at whichever end of the social scale... Read more
"Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it." - Dwight Eisenhower "I must... Read more
"How can they say my life is not a success? Have I not for more than 60 years got enough to eat and escaped being eaten?" - Logan... Read more
"We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do... Read more
"I have had a holiday, and I'd like to take it up professionally." - Kylie Minogue "Our concept of a family holiday was going to a... Read more
"We enter relationships as a somebody and leave them as a nobody." - Anonymous "Love is like heaven, but it can hurt like... Read more
"When you have a baby, love is automatic, when you get married, love is earned." - Marie Osmond "People who say they sleep like... Read more
"My wife had a go at me last night. She said, "You'll drive me to my grave." I had the car out in thirty seconds." - Tommy... Read more
"Tommorrow it's the mother-in-law's funeral...and she's cancelled it." - Les Dawson "Back of every achievement is a proud wife and a... Read more
"Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf." - Gene Perret "There's never enough time to do all... Read more
"Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult." - Edmund Gwenn "Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate." -... Read more
"I had a mother who taught me there is no such thing as failure. It is just a temporary postponement of success." - Buddy Ebsen "I... Read more
"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with." - Marty Feldman "It's so simple to be wise. Just think... Read more
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music... Read more
"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, "See if you can blow this out."" - Jerry... Read more