Funny Food Quotes

"Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before."
- Rita Rudner

"Asparagus inspires gentle thoughts."
- Charles Lamb

"Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat."
- Jim Davis

"It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes."
- Douglas Adams

"A bum told me "I haven't tasted food all week." I told him "Don't worry, it still tastes the same!""
- Henny Youngman

"American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it."
- Dave Barry

"It is after you have lost your teeth that you can afford to buy steaks."
- Pierre Auguste Renoir

"Candy Corn is the only candy in the history of America that's never been advertised. And there's a reason. All of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911."
- Lewis Black

"Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling."
- Dave Barry

"When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper."
- Andy Rooney

"The first law of dietetics seems to be: if it tastes good, it's bad for you."
- Isaac Asimov

"Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head."
- Ambrose Bierce

"No man is lonely while eating spaghetti."
- Robert Morley

"Our lives are not in the lap of the gods, but in the lap of our cooks."
- Lin Yutang

"I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage."
- Erma Bombeck

"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?"
- Jo Brand

"Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying."
- Fran Lebowitz

"I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer."
- Bob Monkhouse

"I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting."
- Andy Rooney

"Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive."
- Wallace Irwin

"Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese."
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other."
- Johnny Carson

"Watermelon—it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
- Enrico Caruso

"A bum came up to me saying "I haven't eaten in two days!" I said, "You should force yourself!""
- Henny Youngman

"Health food may be good for the conscience but Oreos taste a hell of a lot better."
- Robert Redford

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