Funny Drinking Quotes

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
- Humphrey Bogart

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink."
- W. C. Fields

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth."
- George Burns

I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it."
- Raymond Chandler

I never turned to drink. It seemed to turn to me."
- Brendan Behan

I used to think drinking was the only way to be happy. Now I know there is no way to be happy."
- Laura Kightlinger

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
- Henny Youngman

I drink only to make my friends seem interesting."
- Don Marquis

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time."
- Lady Astor

A drink a day keeps the shrink away."
- Edward Abbey

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle."
- Henny Youngman

I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not."
- Brendan Behan

I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."
- George Best

Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets."
- Dudley Moore

I never trust a man that doesn't drink."
- John Wayne

Drink to-day, and drown all sorrow; You shall perhaps not do 't to-morrow."
- John Fletcher

A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her."
- W.C. Fields

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
- Frank Sinatra

Drink the first. Sip the second slowly. Skip the third."
- Knute Rockne

I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on."
- Oscar Levant

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
- Henny Youngman

I am not a heavy drinker. I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop."
- Noel Coward


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