Funny Death Quotes

"Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult."
- Edmund Gwenn

"Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate."
- Ambrose Bierce

"I don't mind dying, the trouble is you feel so bloody stiff the next day."
- George Axlerod

"Dear me! I must be turning into a god."
- Vespasian

"Death will be a great relief. No more interviews."
- Katherine Hepburn

"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?"
- Woody Allen

"Certainty? In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes."
- Benjamin Franklin

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying."
- Woody Allen

"Die, my dear doctor! That's the last thing I shall do!"
- Lord Palmerston

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours."
- Yogi Berra

"For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off."
- Johnny Carson

"He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death."
- H.H. Munro

"I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them."
- Ian Fleming

"To you who have never died, may I say: Welcome to the world!"
- Clive Barker

"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
- Sir Winston Churchill

"It's funny how most people love the dead, once you're dead your made for life."
- Jimi Hendrix

"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button."
- Sam Levenson

"The trouble with heart disease is that the first symptom is often hard to deal with – sudden death."
- Michael Phelps

"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing."
- Redd Foxx

"But the peasants -- how do the peasants die?"
- Count Leo Tolstoy

"A dead atheist is someone who is all dressed up with no place to go."
- James Duffecy

"I'm trying to die correctly, but it's very difficult, you know."
- Lawrence Durrell

"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down."
- Woody Allen.

"Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back into the same box."
- Italian Proverb

"When you've told someone that you've left them a legacy the only decent thing to do is to die at once."
- Samuel Butler

"It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune."
- Woody Allen

"My father died of cancer when I was a teenager. He had it before it became popular."
- Goodman Ace

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