Funny Childbirth Quotes

"To enter life by way of the vagina is as good a way as any."
- Henry Miller

"Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it."
- Jean Kerr

"If men had to have babies, they would only ever have one each."
- Princess Diana

"I was born at the age of twelve on a Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer lot."
- Judy Garland

"To heir is human."
- Dolores E. McGuire

"On the one hand, we’ll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars."
- Bruce Willis

"Childbirth is a miracle. No, it's not. . . . It's a chemical reaction, that's all."
- Bill Hicks

"The hot, moist smell of babies fresh from naps."
- Barbara Lazear Ascher

"Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does."
- George Bernard Shaw

"In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move."
- The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

"When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half."
- Gracie Allen

"It is true that I was born in Iowa, but I can't speak for my twin sister."
- Abigail van Buren

"Only mothers can think of the future-because they give birth to it in their children."
- Maxim Gorky

"Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped."
- Sam Levenson

"The moment you're born you're done for."
- Arnold Bennett

"To my embarrassment, I was born in bed with a lady."
- Wilson Mizner


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