"To enter life by way of the vagina is as good a way as any."
- Henry Miller
"Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it."
- Jean Kerr
"If men had to have babies, they would only ever have one each."
- Princess Diana
"I was born at the age of twelve on a Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer lot."
- Judy Garland
"To heir is human."
- Dolores E. McGuire
"On the one hand, we’ll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars."
- Bruce Willis
"Childbirth is a miracle. No, it's not. . . . It's a chemical reaction, that's all."
- Bill Hicks
"The hot, moist smell of babies fresh from naps."
- Barbara Lazear Ascher
"Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does."
- George Bernard Shaw
"In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move."
- The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
"When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half."
- Gracie Allen
"It is true that I was born in Iowa, but I can't speak for my twin sister."
- Abigail van Buren
"Only mothers can think of the future-because they give birth to it in their children."
- Maxim Gorky
"Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped."
- Sam Levenson
"The moment you're born you're done for."
- Arnold Bennett
"To my embarrassment, I was born in bed with a lady."
- Wilson Mizner