"When Charles Dickens wrote 'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,' I believe he must have been having an affair with his married ex-boyfriend."
- Carrie Bradshaw
"I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away."
- Phyllis Diller
"My boyfriend and I live together, which means we don't have sex ever. Now that the milk is free, we've both become lactose intolerant."
- Margaret Cho
"My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to."
- Rita Rudner
"What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds."
- Cindy Gardner
"For my high colestorol my doctor prescribed me a boyfriend."
"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because your boyfriend thinks I am."
"My mom always complains about my lack of a boyfriend. Well, next time she asks, I'm going to tell her I'm dating two different guys — Mr Duracell and Mr Energizer."
- Michelle Landry
"A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest."
- Erma Bombeck
"The average Hollywood film star's ambition is to be admired by an American, courted by an Italian, married to an Englishman and have a French boyfriend."
- Katharine Hepburn
"My boyfriend calls me 'princess', but I think of myself more along the lines of 'monkey' and 'retard'."
- Alicia Silverstone
"I wanted to make it really special on Valentine's day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV."
- Tracy Smith
"My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend."
- Rodney Dangerfield
"If he loves you then don't waste that, you might never be able to get it back."
"Save a boyfriend for a rainy day — and another, in case it doesn't rain."
- Mae West