"When you have a baby, love is automatic, when you get married, love is earned."
- Marie Osmond
"People who say they sleep like babies usually don't have them."
- Leo J. Burke
"A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother."
- Mark Twain
"Human beings are the only creatures on Earth that allow their children to come back home."
- Bill Cosby
"A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm."
- Bill Vaughan
"A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other."
- Ronald Knox
"No one likes change but babies in diapers."
- Barbara Johnson
"Babies are always more trouble than you thought — and more wonderful."
- Charles Osgood
"Like a midwife, I make my living bringing new babies into the world, except that mine are new advertising campaigns."
- David Ogilvy
"A new baby is like the beginning of all things-wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities."
- Eda J. Le Shan
"If your baby is "beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the time," you're the grandma."
- Teresa Bloomingdale
"Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it."
- Jean Kerr
"Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit."
- Bill Cosby
"The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing."
- Kin Hubbar
"If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family."
- Lawrence Housman
"I can't think why mothers love them. All babies do is leak at both ends."
- Douglas Feaver
"A baby is a blank cheque made payable to the human race."
- Barbara Christine Seifert
"If you put a baseball and other toys in front of a baby, he'll pick up a baseball in preference to the others."
- Tris Speaker
"Every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last."
- Charles Dickens
"Always kiss your children goodnight - even if they're already asleep."
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
"Getting a burp out of your little thing is probably the greatest satisfaction I’ve come across. It’s truly one of life’s most satisfying moments."
- Brad Pitt
"Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children. Now, I have six children and no theories."
- John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester
"A child is a curly, dimpled lunatic."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
- Stephen Wright
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
- Franklin P. Jones
"Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable."
"Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other."
- Ed Howe