Funny Age Quotes

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
- Sir Norman Wisdom

All diseases run into one, old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The woman who tells her age is either too young to have anything to lose or too old to have anything to gain.
- Chinese Proverb

After the age of 80, everything reminds you of something else.
- Lowell Thomas

I don't want to be the oldest performer in captivity... I don't want to look like a little old man dancing out there.
- Fred Astaire

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
- Andy Rooney

Everybody wants to live forever, but nobody wants to grow old.
- Jonathan Swift

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ''At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."
- Claude D. Pepper

Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.
- Jeff Foxworthy

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age. If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
- Agatha Christie

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.
- Billie Burke

At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual.
- Patrick Moore

Many people die at twenty five and aren't buried until they are seventy five.
- Benjamin Franklin

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.
- Benjamin Franklin

Whenever a man's friends begin to compliment him about looking young, he may be sure that they think he is growing old.
- Washington Irving

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
- Bob Hope

Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.
- Maurice Chevalier

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
- George Burns

Oh, to be seventy again!
- Georges Clemenceau

Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.
- Louis Kronenberger

No man is ever old enough to know better.
- Holbrook Jackson

The denunciation of the young is a necessary part of the hygiene of older people, and greatly assists the circulation of the blood.
- Logan P. Smith

Yes, time flies. And where did it leave you? Old too too late.
- Mike Tyson

I have to be careful to get out before I become the grotesque caricature of a hatchet-faced woman with big knockers.
- Jamie Lee Curtis

There is still no cure for the common birthday.
- John Glenn

You know you're getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
- Hy Gardner

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
- George Burns

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
- Bob Hope

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