Dave Attell Quotes

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.

Women Quotes, Men Quotes

I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally flinching when I start doing my jokes.

Emotion Quotes, Vision Quotes

I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.

Life Quotes, Imagination Quotes, Reality Quotes

 

I don't watch reality TV.

Reality Quotes

I don't watch reality TV. I'm cool.

Reality Quotes

I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears.

Music Quotes

I'm not really a music guy.

Music Quotes

I don't mind a crowd's not laughing; it's the groans that slow down the show.

Mind Quotes

I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.

Love Quotes

When I was a kid, I really loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me.

Love Quotes, American Quotes

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.

Health Quotes

My day jobs... I knew I was bad at those, so I didn't really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.

Confidence Quotes

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!

Choice Quotes

Sometimes it's hard to tell if a joke is working or not for the first couple of minutes.

Work Quotes

I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.

Work Quotes

I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.

Work Quotes

For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don't know what happened to them. That's the crowd that I like, the ones that don't get so offended just to be offended.

Time Quotes