Cool Funny Quotes

"You know what the trouble about real life is? There's no danger music."
- Jim Carrey

"We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can."
- Will Rogers

"To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am."
- Bernard Baruch

"It's pathetic the way some animals beg at the table. Where is your pride, Odie?"
- Garfield

"I am not bound to please thee with my answer."
- Shakespeare

"A man in love is incomplete until he has married, then he is finished."
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

"In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television."
- Erma Bombeck

"You don't have to be the Dalai Lama to tell people that life's about change."
- John Cleese

"Vision is the art of seeing things invisible."
- Jonathan Swift

"Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives."
- Maurice Chevalie

"Why can't I just eat my waffle?"
- Barack Obama

"What Washington needs is adult supervision."
- Barack Obama

"However, it is always nice to be expected, and not to arrive."
- Oscar Wilde

"All art is quite useless."
- Oscar Wilde

"I can see why running next to me would be embarrassing for you."
- Phoebe Buffay

"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age."
- Robert Frost

"I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me."
- Warren Buffet

"The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case."
- George W. Bush

"The old believe everything; the middle aged suspect everything; the young know everything."
- Oscar Wilde

"Oh sure. Even communism works. In theory."
- Homer Simpson

"Some people are so dry that you might soak them in a joke for a month and it would not get through their skins."
- Henry Ward Beecher

"Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children."
- George Bernard Shaw

"I have nothing to declare except my genuis."
- Oscar Wilde

"The more things change, the more they remain the same."
- Alphonse Karr

"No need for a second opinion."
- Garfield

"I don't know if I even have an aura, man. I just try to win."
- Tiger Woods

"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened."
- Jennifer Yane

"What I have to say is far more important than how long my eyelashes are."
- Alanis Morissette


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