Funny Life Quotes

"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."
- Oscar Wilde

"In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out."
- Joey Adams

"Money isn't the most important thing in life, but it's reasonably close to oxygen on the "gotta have it" scale."
- Zig Ziglar

"My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey of life, is to take their heart in one hand and a club in the other."
- Josh Billings

"If we can't be free, we at least can be cheap."
- Frank Zappa

"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon."
- Woody Allen

"Life is a zoo in a jungle."
- Peter De Vries

"Life is not a static thing. The only people who do not change their minds are incompetents in asylums, and those in cemeteries."
- Everett McKinley Dirksen

"Good taste is the excuse I've always given for leading such a bad life."
- Oscar Wilde

"It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

"Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink."
- Shunryu Suzuki Roshi

"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."
- Woody Allen

"Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious."
- Brendan Gill

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."
- Robert Frost

"There is something terribly morbid in the modern sympathy with pain. One should sympathise with the colour, the beauty, the joy of life. The less said about life's sores the better."
- Oscar Wilde

"If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking Do you want fries with that?"
- John Cleese

"I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here."
- Homer Simpson

"Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep."
- Carl Sandburg

"If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door."
- Paul Beatty

"Were it offered to my choice, I should have no objection to a repetition of the same life from its beginning, only asking the advantages authors have in a second edition to correct some faults in the first."
- Benjamin Franklinv

"A man should control his life. Mine is controlling me."
- Rudolph Valentino

"Here's to alcohol, the cause of - and solution to - all life's problems."
- Homer Simpson

"Life is a horizontal fall."
- Jean Cocteau

"Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on."
- Samuel Butler

"Deliver me from writers who say the way they live doesn't matter. I'm not sure a bad person can write a good book. If art doesn't make us better, then what on earth is it for."
- Alice Walker

"Live life to the fullest... think of all the people on the Titanic who passed up chocolate dessert.
- Funny Life Quotes

"Life is pain, princess. . . anyone who says differently is selling something."
- Wesley

"Life's more amusing than we thought."
- Andrew Lang


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