Witty & Humourous Christmas Quotes

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present
- Anonymous

Were it not for the shepherds, there would have been no reception. And were it not for a group of stargazers, there would have been no gifts
- Max Lucado, God Came Near

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas
- Johnny Carson

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin
- Jay Leno

Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year
- P. J. O'Rourke

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it
- Katharine Whitehorn

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year
- Victor Borge

Even before Christmas has said Hello, it's saying ''Buy Buy''
- Robert Paul

Christmas is the Disneyfication of Christianity
Don Cupitt

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven
- W. C. Fields

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white man would be coming into my neighborhood after dark
- Dick Gregory

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet
- Anonymous

Santa Claus wears a red suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair; must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
- Arlo Guthrie