Short Funny Christmas Quotes on Sale

Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
- Johnny Carson

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
- Shirley Temple

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
- Katharine Whitehorn

Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.
- Richard Lamm

Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?
- Tom Armstrong

Even before Christmas has said Hello, its saying ''Buy Buy.''
- Robert Paul.

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
- W.C. Fields

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
- Bernard Manning.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
- Frank McKinney Hubbard